How do romance scammers ask for money?
Romance scammers ask for money by presenting a problem you can supposedly solve: an emergency bill, a blocked bank account, travel costs or a temporary shortage. Others offer an investment opportunity or ask you to pay a third party on their behalf.
The request may sound like a loan, a favour or a contribution towards your future together. What connects these approaches is the use of a relationship to make a financial request feel trustworthy or difficult to refuse.
Never send money to someone you have only met online and have not met in person. This includes gift cards, cryptocurrency and payments made on their behalf. Meeting someone does not make a financial request safe either.
What excuses do romance scammers use?
The wording varies, but the request usually gives you a reason to believe that paying will solve a problem.
The examples below are illustrative, not quotations from real messages.
“I need money so I can come and see you”
They ask for fares, a visa, insurance or another travel expense. Once you pay, a further obstacle appears.
The prospect of finally meeting can make each additional payment feel like the last step. Do not pay to make a promised meeting happen.
“There’s been an emergency”
They describe an accident, illness or urgent family problem. You may be sent photographs, an invoice or a message from someone claiming to be a doctor or relative.
Documents supplied within the same story are not independent verification. Avoid using only the contact details they provide to check their claims.
“I have money, but I can’t access it”
They claim that their account is frozen, their wages are delayed or their funds are tied up in a business deal or inheritance. Your payment is presented as a short-term loan, with repayment supposedly assured.
A screenshot showing a large balance does not establish that the account exists, belongs to them or contains accessible money.
“I’ve sent you something, but you need to pay a fee”
They say a parcel containing valuables or a gift is held up until you pay customs, delivery or insurance charges.
The US Federal Trade Commission documents this tactic in its analysis of lies reported in romance scams, published in 2023 using 2022 reports. It also describes offenders offering supposed cryptocurrency expertise to persuade people to invest.
If you receive an unexpected payment demand from a courier, check through its independently located official website. Do not rely on the link or telephone number in the message.
“Let me show you how to invest”
They describe successful trades and suggest that you could benefit too. You are directed to a platform or app and encouraged to deposit money.
This can feel different from giving them money because the account appears to be in your name. But a balance displayed on a website is not proof that your funds are held or invested as claimed.
Do not use a romantic connection as a substitute for independent checks on an investment.
Do scammers start by asking for small amounts?
They can. The Financial Conduct Authority’s 2025 review of romance fraud examined 60 confirmed cases across six banks and payment firms. It found that offenders often began with low-value requests.
In one case, a victim made 403 payments over a year and lost more than £72,000.
These findings concern that particular sample, not every romance scam. They illustrate why the amount of the first request is a poor guide to the eventual harm.
What if they only hint that they need help?
You might hear repeated accounts of hardship without a direct request. You then offer to help, believing the decision was entirely your own.
Consider the circumstances rather than who first suggested a payment. Were you given a story that made you feel responsible for solving the problem? Does refusing to pay lead to guilt, pressure or another crisis?
You can withdraw an offer of money if you become uncomfortable or discover information that changes your decision.
Does paying someone else make it safer?
No. You may be told to pay a relative, colleague, travel agent or other person because the supposed partner cannot receive the money directly.
A payment going to a different name needs an explanation, but an explanation alone does not establish that it is genuine.
Do not receive and forward money through your own account for someone you have met online. If money arrives unexpectedly, speak to your bank before moving it.
What if they tell me what to say to my bank?
Do not follow instructions to disguise the purpose of a payment, describe a stranger as a relative or give a false explanation.
Tell the bank how you met, whether you have met in person and what you have been asked to pay for. Share relevant messages if requested.
If a payment is stopped, do not try another account or payment method at the other person’s insistence. Speak to your bank’s fraud team first.
How can I refuse without getting drawn into an argument?
Keep your answer short:
“I won’t send money or make payments for someone I haven’t met.”
You do not need to disclose your savings, prove that you cannot afford it or debate every detail of the story. An affordable payment can still be fraudulent.
If the response becomes threatening or abusive, stop engaging and seek support. Keep the messages rather than continuing the conversation to obtain an admission.
What should I do if I have already paid?
Contact your bank or payment provider immediately and explain that you suspect romance fraud. Ask whether the payment can be stopped or recovered.
Keep messages, receipts, account details and profile links. If you sent gift card codes, contact the card issuer promptly as well.
The UK’s Take Five campaign advises contacting your bank immediately if you think you have been scammed. Report suspected fraud through Report Fraud in England, Wales and Northern Ireland, or Police Scotland on 101.
Do not pay another fee to unlock money, secure repayment or recover a loss.
Should I investigate before deciding whether to pay?
You do not need an investigation to refuse a request for money.
If separate questions remain about the person’s identity or background, further checks may help you decide whether to continue contact. Our guide, What are the signs of a romance scam?, explains the wider warning signs.
An identity check should never be treated as approval to send money. Establishing who someone is does not establish that their financial story is true.
Last reviewed: 5 October 2026.